March Forth

Photo by Jackie Cotton

Today is the last day of March.

2016 is already 1/4 of the way over.

I'll be 23 in three short months.

With all this looking ahead, I need to stop, take stock, and be thankful where I am.

I'm functioning perfectly fine as an adult. I'm paying my bills on time, I'm devoting attention to my closest friends, and I'm balancing a need for peace and quiet with my desire to be out and about with people all the time.

The ambivert struggle is real, y'all.

I'm exploring exciting opportunities for the future (can you say "grad school?") and thoughtfully and intentionally trying to decide what path is the wisest. Meanwhile, I'm blessed with a job that pays me enough to live comfortably while saving up for the future.

But let's be real: I have a hard time being thankful for those things. When things are good on the homefront, I get an urge to gooooooo somewhere. Not long term, of course. Just a vacation.

The day-to-day adult life gets very boring, very quickly. I enjoy having a routine, but I like to be able to change that routine up on a dime, and a desk job really doesn't give you room to do that. Without the ability to say "nah, I'm going to work on this from 8-11 pm instead of this morning," I lose a bit of freedom. And day after day of losing that freedom feels very constraining and makes me want to swing the pendulum from being stuck in an office all day to doing some extreme travel.

I'm dreaming about taking a 4,000 mile road trip looping through the southwest and northwest, touching ten different states and finally getting to go to Canada. It'd be by myself because I'm craving a lot of alone time right now.

I don't know if it will actually happen, though. I'd also really like to go to Chicago/New York with my friend Jackie when she goes back home after graduation and then moves to NYC.

I also really want to go on a cruise to Cuba, but gosh--that's a really expensive dream.

There's a lot I want to do, and I know I can't do it all. I'm incredibly grateful for where I am and what I'm doing, but being cooped up in an office is grating on my soul and I really just want to go.

trænˈzɪʃ ən

My grandma's old house in Michigan. Basically nothing to do with this post, but it's nostalgic.

I'm not afraid of change. I actually really enjoy change. I embrace the adventure that comes with change. I hate being in one place or doing one thing for too long--I like the challenge and newness that comes with change.

It's transition that gets to me. 

I hate waiting to get from phase A to phase B. The up-in-the-air moments when you're still not sure if your plan is going to go through, or if it's going to fall through.

Currently, I've got two plans that are up in the air. Suspended by dental floss. Ready to come crashing down at any moment.

One: I could be going to Dallas this weekend. I should be going to Dallas this weekend. I'm supposed to be helping my closest, longest-held friend move there for her first big-girl job, but her employer called her yesterday and said they might push her start date back two weeks, leaving her in Dallas for a month without a paycheck. But we won't know for sure until Friday, when we're supposed to be leaving at 3 am Saturday. Can you say #frustrated? 

Two: I'm moving into an apartment in 14 days. That's two weeks! And I have so little packed and so little ready to go. I have to disassemble my bed and buy a mattress and my cousin still has to get a job (knock on wood--she almost has one!) and there's just so much to do, but I don't want to/can't pack a ton because I have to use my toiletries and wear my clothes and use my computer and stuff. So what even am I supposed to be packing? It's a bit stressful.

So in this frustrating state of transition, I'm kicking back. Listening to Kendrick Lamar. Realizing it's gonna be alright and that there's literally nothing I can do about any of it.

*update: as I was writing this post, news came through that her start date is remaining the same and I'm going to Dallas this weekend. TRAVEL STOKE!