Unapologetically Me

Sunday morning journaling at 918 Coffee in Tulsa

I've never been homesick before in my life, so naturally it took a while for me to recognize the emotion I'm feeling as homesickness.

The first week of Teach for America training flew by, and it left me spinning in circles Friday night.

Seriously.

I miss my friends and my cat, and the coffee shops and restaurants I'm so used to going to in Phoenix. These emotions, when compounded with all the teaching techniques and social justice information I learned in the past week, have been lot to process--so I've been focusing one thing this weekend:

Being unapologetically myself.

I'm pretty good at this when I'm with people I already know, but whenever I'm thrown in with a group of new people, I have a hard time owning my unique likes and dislikes.

For example, I dislike going out and I really dislike most pop music--but it's hard to make friends and bond with people who are SUPER into these things.

I'd rather sit around and play Cards Against Humanity while drinking wine and listen to Sufjan Stevens or Iron and Wine than go bar hopping.

So I'm working on owning that part of myself and hopefully will find some friends who like the same things as I do.

What now?

"Wilderness is not a luxury but a necessity of the human spirit." Edward Abbey explains why I feel most alive when I'm out there in the trees.

A photo posted by Amanda (@mandalyn93) on May 2, 2016 at 11:38am PDT

Holy schneikes. I'm embarking on the final week at my job and realizing what is ahead of me.

This summer is going to be crazy.

For starters, I'm going to spend a month in Tulsa for the Teach for America summer institute. I'm going to be spending a week in Ecuador on a mission trip. I'm going to spend nearly two weeks on a Midwest train trip. And, to cap it all off, I have to take a huge standardized test and complete a 45-hour online course before the end of May.

I will be home, at my apartment in Phoenix, for three weeks total in the next three months. That's really hard for me to process. I'm not a homebody, per se, but I like having a physical location to come back to and drop things off at.

On the other hand, I've spent time traveling and housesitting and living out of a backpack, so this is nothing new--it's just something I didn't expect myself to be doing so much of this summer.

The more I think about it, my apprehension and anxiousness is replaced by curiosity and excitement.

In six months from now, I will have grown so much I'll probably be an entirely different person.

• I will have lived in a city where I don't know a single soul (albeit only for a month and a week).
• I will have gone through an effective yet condensed training program and placed in a classroom as a teaching intern. 
• I will (hopefully) have been accepted to and started grad school at ASU. 
• I will have stopped draining my savings and relying on my credit card and finally will have a paycheck after going all summer without one. 

And yet, I'm still asking myself...

What am I doing?

I don't know.

But it's certainly going to be a grand adventure.

Rest.

Lemon ginger tea and West Wing will help me get rid of this cold, right?

A photo posted by A M A N D A (@mandalyn93) on Mar 1, 2016 at 8:54am PST

I suck at resting.

I'm a go-go-go-go total Type A personality.

I schedule rest into my planner by blocking out certain nights and weekends to just chill and spend by myself.

And I know this can't be good for me. I'm an ambivert who has a hard time striking a balance between tons of meaningful human interaction and a fair amount of solitude.

So, I'm pretty sure all the go-go-go I've been participating in lately has contributed to a gnarly cold that sent me home from work on Tuesday.

I really don't like missing work, but when I have a runny, stuffy nose, cough and can't focus--you better bet I'm going home. (That, and one of my coworkers actually told me I should go home to rest.)

Which means I got to practice resting yesterday. I drank a lot of hot lemon ginger water with honey, I diffused some essential oils (the internet said lavender, clove and peppermint are a good blend for colds, and I have to agree), I listened to my favorite Bon Iver album and I did a whole lot of napping.

Aaaaaaaand I finished the first season of West Wing.

While I wouldn't consider these things to be restful normally (I like participating in what some call "active rest," or doing things that are creative and replenishing as a form of rest), it was exactly what I needed.

If you're like me and don't know when to stop moving or doing things, take some time this week and just chill. Binge on your favorite Netflix show. Drink tea. Nap. Listen to music. Take a shower in the middle of the day just because you ~feel like it.~

However rest manifests itself to you, do it before you end up like me--exhausted with a cold--and are forced to stop and rest.