Dear 2015,
Goodbye.
You were neither the best nor the worst year on the books. You started on incredibly positive notes, with a minute hangover after a brilliant triple date party with some of the coolest people I knew but don't talk to anymore. The people who kicked off 2015 with me are in infinitely different places as well, and I can't help but wonder how their years are ending in Boston/Flagstaff/married/etc.
January saw the continuation of a healthy, positive relationship that I still intensely miss at times, as well as the beginning stages of an amazing school project on immigration and border issues.
February ushered in a season of stress, when time continued to pass and the countdown to my Nicaragua trip continued getting smaller. Feb, you also saw the somewhat blindsiding end of that relationship.
But who has time to grieve a relationship when you have to orchestrate discussions with at least ten people 3,000 miles away, most of whom only speak Spanish. March saw the mid-mark of my final semester of university, as well as a massive journalism trip out of the country.
The remaining time before graduation is a blur. 2015, what did you do to me?! Everything between Nicaragua and May 4th bleeds together in a pool of stress and words. I had to write about 15,000 words between January and the beginning of May, and those words just swam in my head and left me sitting in coffee shops for too long.
But May 4th--I remember that day. Mitch, my closest and oldest Cronkite friend, took me to Disneyland to celebrate graduation and my completion of college. I'm so glad that through the years, miles and differences, Mitch is in my life and around to support me as much as he does. 2015, I hope he's around as much in 2016 as he has been in the past.
Graduation happened. That still doesn't feel real--I remember walking across the stage, shaking hands, accepting the diploma. It happened so fast. All of May happened fast--I graduated on a Tuesday, partied on a Saturday, and left for camp on a Sunday.
Ah, dear dear camp. 2015! You brought me to learn so much while working at UCYC for the summer. I honed my leadership skills, my communication abilities. I built strong friendships, I spent time outside every single day. I learned what second mile service means, and how to clean a cabin until it is absolutely spotless. I spent three months building friendships, biceps and some siiiiiick tan lines, not to mention a relationship that was all good until it wasn't good anymore.
The learning continued after I fell off that cliff while rappelling. I learned how to accept myself for who I am even when I hated me. I hated how I felt when I was stuck on the couch for six weeks as my broken knee healed, but now I have a great respect for the strength and ability of my body. I learned that it's okay to have times where you're completely not productive and are contributing nothing to society, and that I (continuously) need to stop comparing my accomplishments to the accomplishments of others.
2015, it was really hard to sit on the couch watching Doctor Who for weeks on end while I saw my classmates who graduated at the same time as me get jobs in other cities and states. I wanted to be them, in their shoes, as opposed to in my shoes with one chicken leg and one normal leg, struggling to shower every day.
But I did learn a lot from it. And after my knee healed, I did get hired into a "big girl job"--which is where I stand now. Working 40 hours a week never sounded so sweet, but I'm thankful for the setup I have and the experience I'm gaining.
Pause. Back to that camp relationship... Maybe it wasn't so shitty, but dang. I could have done without that heartbreak. Although, as in all hard things, I learned a lot. I learned the importance in seriously dating someone who has the same maturity as yourself. I learned that the way you communicate with your significant other is important, and certain breakdowns in communication can ruin relationships. I learned a lot, and for that, I am thankful. But as my camp boss said, breakups aren't bad. They just mean you're one step closer to finding someone you'll spend forever with.
Now, here I am, 2015. I'm very much still processing this past year, with the good relationships and the bad, the lost and the found. The concrete and the abstract. I'm not entirely sure what I want to do with my future, and that scares me a little--but I do know I will figure it out, and that I don't have to figure it out immediately.
So, goodbye 2015. You didn't suck, but I hope 2016 is better.
La la la love,
Amanda
So, goodbye 2015. You didn't suck, but I hope 2016 is better.
La la la love,
Amanda