Music for a Rainy Thursday

Hi! Happy Thursday. I just wanted to share this playlist with you. It's the embodiment of the type of morning I'd liketo be having--laying in bed with a cup of tea and my cat and a book, with the window slightly open to let in the smell of rain.

Enjoy.

trænˈzɪʃ ən

My grandma's old house in Michigan. Basically nothing to do with this post, but it's nostalgic.

I'm not afraid of change. I actually really enjoy change. I embrace the adventure that comes with change. I hate being in one place or doing one thing for too long--I like the challenge and newness that comes with change.

It's transition that gets to me. 

I hate waiting to get from phase A to phase B. The up-in-the-air moments when you're still not sure if your plan is going to go through, or if it's going to fall through.

Currently, I've got two plans that are up in the air. Suspended by dental floss. Ready to come crashing down at any moment.

One: I could be going to Dallas this weekend. I should be going to Dallas this weekend. I'm supposed to be helping my closest, longest-held friend move there for her first big-girl job, but her employer called her yesterday and said they might push her start date back two weeks, leaving her in Dallas for a month without a paycheck. But we won't know for sure until Friday, when we're supposed to be leaving at 3 am Saturday. Can you say #frustrated? 

Two: I'm moving into an apartment in 14 days. That's two weeks! And I have so little packed and so little ready to go. I have to disassemble my bed and buy a mattress and my cousin still has to get a job (knock on wood--she almost has one!) and there's just so much to do, but I don't want to/can't pack a ton because I have to use my toiletries and wear my clothes and use my computer and stuff. So what even am I supposed to be packing? It's a bit stressful.

So in this frustrating state of transition, I'm kicking back. Listening to Kendrick Lamar. Realizing it's gonna be alright and that there's literally nothing I can do about any of it.

*update: as I was writing this post, news came through that her start date is remaining the same and I'm going to Dallas this weekend. TRAVEL STOKE!

Dear 2015: A Letter

Dear 2015,

Goodbye.

You were neither the best nor the worst year on the books. You started on incredibly positive notes, with a minute hangover after a brilliant triple date party with some of the coolest people I knew but don't talk to anymore. The people who kicked off 2015 with me are in infinitely different places as well, and I can't help but wonder how their years are ending in Boston/Flagstaff/married/etc.

January saw the continuation of a healthy, positive relationship that I still intensely miss at times, as well as the beginning stages of an amazing school project on immigration and border issues.

February ushered in a season of stress, when time continued to pass and the countdown to my Nicaragua trip continued getting smaller. Feb, you also saw the somewhat blindsiding end of that relationship.

But who has time to grieve a relationship when you have to orchestrate discussions with at least ten people 3,000 miles away, most of whom only speak Spanish. March saw the mid-mark of my final semester of university, as well as a massive journalism trip out of the country. 

The remaining time before graduation is a blur. 2015, what did you do to me?! Everything between Nicaragua and May 4th bleeds together in a pool of stress and words. I had to write about 15,000 words between January and the beginning of May, and those words just swam in my head and left me sitting in coffee shops for too long.

But May 4th--I remember that day. Mitch, my closest and oldest Cronkite friend, took me to Disneyland to celebrate graduation and my completion of college. I'm so glad that through the years, miles and differences, Mitch is in my life and around to support me as much as he does. 2015, I hope he's around as much in 2016 as he has been in the past.

A photo posted by 🌵 A M A N D A 🌵 (@mandalyn93) on May 12, 2015 at 6:28pm PDT

Graduation happened. That still doesn't feel real--I remember walking across the stage, shaking hands, accepting the diploma. It happened so fast. All of May happened fast--I graduated on a Tuesday, partied on a Saturday, and left for camp on a Sunday.

Ah, dear dear camp. 2015! You brought me to learn so much while working at UCYC for the summer. I honed my leadership skills, my communication abilities. I built strong friendships, I spent time outside every single day. I learned what second mile service means, and how to clean a cabin until it is absolutely spotless. I spent three months building friendships, biceps and some siiiiiick tan lines, not to mention a relationship that was all good until it wasn't good anymore.

The learning continued after I fell off that cliff while rappelling. I learned how to accept myself for who I am even when I hated me. I hated how I felt when I was stuck on the couch for six weeks as my broken knee healed, but now I have a great respect for the strength and ability of my body. I learned that it's okay to have times where you're completely not productive and are contributing nothing to society, and that I (continuously) need to stop comparing my accomplishments to the accomplishments of others.

2015, it was really hard to sit on the couch watching Doctor Who for weeks on end while I saw my classmates who graduated at the same time as me get jobs in other cities and states. I wanted to be them, in their shoes, as opposed to in my shoes with one chicken leg and one normal leg, struggling to shower every day.

But I did learn a lot from it. And after my knee healed, I did get hired into a "big girl job"--which is where I stand now. Working 40 hours a week never sounded so sweet, but I'm thankful for the setup I have and the experience I'm gaining.

Pause. Back to that camp relationship... Maybe it wasn't so shitty, but dang. I could have done without that heartbreak. Although, as in all hard things, I learned a lot. I learned the importance in seriously dating someone who has the same maturity as yourself. I learned that the way you communicate with your significant other is important, and certain breakdowns in communication can ruin relationships. I learned a lot, and for that, I am thankful. But as my camp boss said, breakups aren't bad. They just mean you're one step closer to finding someone you'll spend forever with.

Now, here I am, 2015. I'm very much still processing this past year, with the good relationships and the bad, the lost and the found. The concrete and the abstract. I'm not entirely sure what I want to do with my future, and that scares me a little--but I do know I will figure it out, and that I don't have to figure it out immediately.

So, goodbye 2015. You didn't suck, but I hope 2016 is better.

La la la love,
Amanda

Adventure is out there.

The last major trip I got to go on was to Michigan. I drove across the country, from Arizona to Michigan, in about 30 hours' time. I woke up on Route 66, I ate a sub for breakfast while looking over the freeway somewhere near Missouri (I think.) It was a whirlwind of a trip, but I don't regret it. It was an adventure--not a vacation.

I don't want to write too much about vacation travel right here (I have a whole blog dedicated to that) but I do want to write about adventure. The trouble is, I'm not sure how to define it.

It's the feeling I get when I set foot in an airport, backpack strapped around my chest. The pit of my stomach lifts like I'm on a roller coaster as I hear the hustle and bustle of people on the move. My senses tense up and relax; my anxieties disappear.

It's how my heart beats when I'm somewhere risky. Exploring an abandoned building, following a protest with my camera, biking somewhere at night. I know I could very well be in harm's way, but I also know I'll be fine.

It's the voice of a stranger with whom I've struck up a conversation. Discussing things like we've known each other for years, listening to the words hanging between us as the train rumbles onward, the plane slices through air, or the cars pass on the sidewalk.

Adventure is the assurance of a large world to be explored as well as the small place I have been given to occupy.

Reasons It's Okay to be Single

A photo posted by 🌵 A M A N D A 🌵 (@mandalyn93) on Sep 16, 2015 at 3:11pm PDT

So I'm relatively recently single, and I want to take a second and point out that this isn't a bad thing, it's actually a very good thing that should be savored and enjoyed for all that it's worth. Plus I need to work on my retaliation for when my mother insists I try dating someone. So here's a list with no explanations because ain't nobody got time for that*.

Free Time
Sometimes nothing is better than a solid evening with friends. Or a run at the gym. Or an impromptu trip to a different city. Without a serious relationship, there's more free time to do things and less of an expectation to spend so much time with one person.

Noncommitment
See: Casual Dating

Travel
Traveling with a partner is great, but do you know what's even better? Traveling by yourself. You can meet people and talk to strangers and go to the opera with friends of friends and not have to deal with what your partner wants to do.

Mobility
It's definitely easier to move from point A to point B if you only have to account for one person's desires, free time and stuff. You can move easier. You can move free-er. You can pick up and go somewhere at the drop of a hat, and you don't have to take someone else's opinion into account.

Friendships
I have this theory, and it's been proven time and time again. The longer you're in a committed relationship, the more and more your friendships begin to suffer. The less time you spend with friends. Not dating someone means you can spend more time with friends, because you don't have a significant other expecting you to spend a bunch of time with them.

One less responsibility
One less Christmas present to buy.

Casual Dating 
If you want to get dinner with three different guys in the course of the week, you can totally do that. And it's A-OKAY.

Self-love
You can focus on yourself. You can buy yourself that pedicure rather than taking your partner out to dinner. You can spend a night in, reading a poetry book, and you don't have to feel guilty or feel like you should be spending time with your partner.

Future
Nobody else is depending on the choices you make! If you decide you want to move to Rome to pursue a Master's degree for two years, you don't have to worry about pursuing a long term relationship, or worry about uprooting your partner. You have the mobility and freedom to move around and do whatever you want in the future, or even in the present. And it's great.

*Explanations finally added 12/28/2015